After Disappearing Love Persists

9:32pm | 6.22.2025 | Thursday | After Disappearing Love Persists

Times Flies

30’s are interesting because you actually have adult relationships that endured long enough to watch, grow, fail and reappear all with a fully cognitive mind and a fully developed frontal lobe. “We were just kids” is an easy statement to make as a young adult. It’s a simple write off to mistakes made in the process of learning lessons. It’s true; we were just kids, but it’s corny and cliche and it doesn’t feel write to brush over the void that existed during the time away. It’s been real.

a decade plus

It feels like I found missing persons, although she wasn’t missing she kept in touch with loved ones. I was literally shaking as I read her first and middle name upon the Lyft driver app. They keep last names private and most passengers don’t include a picture. She did. She looked mildly different, I wasn’t convinced it was her just yet. Thicker eye brows made me wonder if maybe it was a doppelgänger with the same first and middle name. Even when I arrived I wasn’t sold. I naturally would’ve expected her to cancel the trip, but manybe time healed this wound. Maybe she was just desperate to get home after a long day.

En route

Backtrack to before I arrived at the pick up location. I mentioned physically shaking. Ashley was my best friend for like 8 years. My mental Rolodex ran wild with memories of all sorts. Uncontrollable laughter, library study sessions, viral YouTube clips, endless inside jokes. Everything came rushing back to me in one instant. I was excited because I hadn’t seen her in ages. She’s been all around the world and ayyy yaaa yaaaa. Lived in France, Russia, Spain. Teaching language arts to kids around the world. LITERALLY.

On my way to get there I was trying to think of what I would even say. It has been so long and I can’t even remember which version of me I was in our prime, somewhere between the G Unit gorilla and the soft lover boy you of today. it was relatively ironic as I get back into Facebook all the unwanted “people you may know” her sister popped up but she didn’t, I had to dig a little to find her and she hasn’t updated anything. Probably keeping a low profile as she would. Then days later her she is 2025, 13 years laters getting in the back of my car. My heart wanted to tell her she had front seat privileges for life, but I might as well let her sit in back and enjoy the uncomfortable comfort zone.

ADLP

There aren’t many people who go by an acronym. The very first time we met we were both plus ones on a Sayles Family trip to Six Flags. It was strange. I don’t even know how I got thrown in the mix of the that. It was probably middle school. Jennifer invited me her sister invited Ashley. I think it was instant, we all laughed and joked and had a time. Memorable enough that when we both ended up in Bilingual Study hall I remember that trip. I swear life always makes stories unique this when it’s special, or maybe I just romanticize it more when I actually give a damn. Either way. We were friends from her freshman year in high school to her sophomore year in college. Right before studying abroad. Endless Joses blue sombrero trips with the table side guac and margaritas, she was one of the best part of my life.

it is what it is

Enough time has passed, I wouldn’t expect anything to change and I wouldn’t want anything to change. I won’t lie, I’ve spent the last couple of days wondering if I should reach out and try to rekindle this friendship. I decided to leave it alone. There’s no need, it was a special moment from the universe. I hope it was special for her too. I always admired everything about her. She is strong minded, goal oriented, ambitious and a doer. I’ve seen her accomplish so much as friends and in distance. She has truly inspired me in many ways. Even if I never said it to her, it’s very real. For me, it felt like a personal assessment. She came off a little pretentious like undermining me, living in our hometown still, like I haven’t lived. Honestly, it would be cool to see the world but I’m such a damn American, I have truly been enjoying my journey connecting with portions of America at a time, but I did feel a little goofy telling her about my roadtrip to Detroit and Cleveland as she tells me about living in several different countries.

self doubt

At the end of the day we were in the same place, at the same time, in the same vehicle, having the same conversation about life. For a moment it felt just like old times, discussing politics, the potential lack of a future in America, mixed with playful banter and uncontrollable full belly laughs. It was all too familiar in the best way. I didn’t want to get too deep or personal, I know we’re getting older and things change. I didn’t want to get sentimental or ask about her family. I know enough. It would be nice to have a friend like her around again. Maybe some sort of trust needs to be built again, maybe the universe will keep us apart for another 13 years until we are due for another assessment.

Either way Pookie, i love you, I miss you and I am truly proud of you. Keep going