honoured

7.22.2025 | 9:23am | Tuesday | honoured

retrospect

I adored you entirely. Not one moment of this failed shot at love is met with regret. I believed every word you said, I was hopelessly devoted, I held on longer than I should’ve. I allowed coincidences to feel like divine signs from a higher power. I got lost in the delusion of thinking my internal thoughts were reality. There’s a fine line and the mind is a powerful tool.

out of the woods

You are not wrong to think, I’m still at square one. Surely this isn’t what I thought it was nor do I have high hopes that it ever will be. I appreciate the purpose it has served. The adrenaline rush, the joy of feeling something, the excitement of looking forward to what the future had in store. Every part of this made me feel alive. The hurt, the disappointment, the never ending saga that it became, the shame, the embarrassment, the guilt. I painted this into a pretty picture with red roses and blue skies, green lights and purple weed. As real as it could’ve been to the facade that is has become. Internally trying to play it up to be more significant than it ever was. Wishing I could turn back time, to any point in the past, just to find you again, in a more ideal situation, for this story to unfold differently. I would’ve done anything for a part two or an official part one.

Idyllic

Maybe something clicked? I’m not going to sit here and pretend we really had something special, maybe it was just a one sided connection that you selfishly took advantage of for whatever reason. I don’t hype up the things you said anymore, I don’t question why you bothered saying half the bullshit you decided to make up. I guess in the long run it opened my eyes to some things I wouldn’t have caught on to right away.

Love ya