lo siento

2.27.2026 | 11:11pm | Tuesday | lo siento

Demasiados años

i thought I loved you with all my heart,

It’s embarrassing.

I don’t know how else to say it. I don’t think of it as time wasted because I’m sure I never would’ve found a reason to slow down mi vida loca. I was in some sort of love. You are visually appealing, mentally stimulating, creative, playful and unique as fuck and worst of all, completely and entirely unavailable. It should’ve been reason enough to retreat and enjoy the time. It didn’t have to be a romantic connection, I don’t think it could’ve remained platonic either. My heart was too invested by the time I realized it wasn’t going to work.

Autoengaño

I latched on like a barnacle. I found every excuse to think you were sending subliminal messages in return the whole time. [makes me wonder when you actually stopped, because it was there for a moment] it was special. I thought it was a cute bond we shared. maybe the convos were real and genuine on some level but it was all for nothing. Thank god some sane part of my brain decided we should delete the DM’s because it wasn’t helping in the slightest. The re-reads on made me wonder if there were deeper codes hidden in the plain text.

I was a mess. I completely devoted my everything to you and for a solid amount of time as well. It is embarrassing, I do feel foolish but I can’t deny that I am proud, I do feel honored, and It was a privilege to say the least and I have absolutely zero regrets about anything that transpired. If nothing more than a cruel labyrinth. I came out on the other end alive, lost and curious.

amor verdadero

I don’t know the in’s & outs of your relationship and god knows I have zero desire to educate myself on the topic, but over the years of thinking I was trying to love you. I got to witness someone who actually loves you and that as much as it might hurt it was beautiful. I’ve been in chaotic, unhealthy and toxic relationships [perhaps I’m the common denominator, but I digress] I grew up in a house with a distorted example of what love was. Longing for unconditional love, I thought I’d be able to find it anywhere, but it’s rare. I’m not sure how much he knows or doesn’t know, but I didn’t do much of anything to hide my own feelings and I’m sure it wasn’t the easiest for you to play off casually, maybe you did play it off the whole time like I was creepin on Catia and not Leticia. I did my best to say on the down low and never get you caught up in some bullshit, as much as I would’ve loved strife in your relationship, I knew that wouldn’t mean success in our relationship. I was always respectful as possible given the circumstances. From what I’ve gathered he’s a good man, he takes care of you, he makes you smile, he puts in the effort, he understands you. He knows when you need time alone and time together. He respects your space and your heart. Maybe I’m wrong in that, but there’s no way that much time goes by and it’s still enjoyable without a special genuine connection.

al mirar atrás

I don’t believe I could’ve been that for you. I would’ve been sleeping with one eye open. Wondering if you were still sneaking around, thinking you weren’t really over the past, questioning everything. If someone can be taken, they can be taken again. Been there, done that. It can get exciting but it’s not fun at all. I don’t even know how I would feel. I think I’ve grown from my younger days, but I don’t think I’m mature enough that I would’ve felt bad if you left him and we didn’t work out. I think you’d still be figuring that situation out, while I was creating a whole new mess in the process. It didn’t go the way I would’ve liked. We never got a chance to see where it could go, but I’m 98% sure this was the best possible outcome.

Amor, siempre

I’m sorry for any inconvenience on my part. I haven’t been the easiest person to navigate. I’m hard headed at times, I’m passionate, I’m random, I’m all over the place, I did my best to show you something different. If nothing else, I hope my love made you feel loved. You had me at “yo my sister wants to know if you got an eighth” lmao I was yours from that moment forward until you say otherwise. I’m sure I forgot some other shit I’d probably want to say, but I’ve spent enough time on this subject and I wanted to leave a fresh bouquet of farewells for you to take in.

amo mucho,

rjc