different

3.30.2026 | 8:43pm | Monday | different

pero the same

I don’t even bother counting the seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months or years that pass by, but time flies. I’m always busy doing nothing. An excuse to keep myself occupied (more than likely distracted) the upside it’s 70% of my hobbies nowadays earn some sort of income. Lucrative or not matters none. It’s all movement toward the same objective. What’s that? Fuck if I know.

Out Here Idea Company?

I had a dream the other night and idk where I was, but I was proudly rocking my Out Here Records and Tapes uniform [black & white head to toe] and someone in the dream asked what is this Out Here Records and Tapes all about? I kind of nervously shrugged it off like “idk nothing really!” I woke up thinking about that for a while. How am I not more bold or proud of this thing I’m trying to build? Was the dream Gods way of checking me. Keeping me on my toes? I went through the day in real life in that same outfit wondering the same thing… what is this all about?

La Drema [the dream]

It’s everything I’ve spent the last 6 years putting together. Shifting from ideas to reality, manifesting and bringing things to life. I don’t like talking about myself cause I have too much to say and at some point I just ramble on about my ambitions and ignore the conversation itself. It’s weird. I’m not the type to tout my brand like it’s something special, but I guess it is. I would hope people like my ideas and creations. I hope to be viewed as a wholesome high quality brand at some point, even if the beggining is a series of trial & error and experimentation. Deep down. I collect my own stuff, I don’t think the world truly appreciates what I’m trying to do right now so it gets overlooked.

in my eyes

Everything I’m doing now, will one day be collectible and valuable. All the limited run business cards, raffle tickets, t-shirts, candles, pins, hats, stickers, crossword puzzle. Every piece shall be qualified to occupy wall space in a museum. I’m humble, I’m shy, I’m quiet, I’m insecure, I’m introverted and I get nervous around big groups of people. I am me, I am unique, I hard and I truly do everything to connected with people on a deeper level. Money is a byproduct and a necessity to life and the society humans have developed. My position isn’t to become “rich” or even “wealthy” I’m a strong believer that wealth is of the mind and in that regard I’m up there. I have stuff to work on mentally but in my every day life I find fulfillment in most things I do and even in the things I struggle with because I use it as an opportunity to identify personal shortcomings, but I want to create and design things that make the world a just little bit cooler, easier, brighter, calmer and creativerrrrr.

Impact

It’s interesting right, I know people can see my progress and I don’t think I get enough flowers. Maybe people think I have it all together that I don’t need encouragement, maybes it my attitude towards the world that persuades people to be a little more hesitate, maybe I’m too vocal with my unimportant opinions that I just feel the desire to express, I’m not sure what it is, but it would be nice knowing there are people “out here” who see what I’m doing and appreciate the work I put in. The rideshare community is like my local world and I love meeting people and connecting dots, building relationships but a lot of times it’s a mutual 5 star rating and oh I remember you from last time, but I need more. I’d like the comfort that comes from a supportive community. It’s a lot of work long, nights and maybe people don’t realize it’s a one man operation for every facet of this business right now. Personally my 9 year old self would be amazed and that’s what I reflect on the most. Even if I never get my flowers or maybe it’s still too early in this journey to recieve those honors, maybe these are still my freshman years in business and I’m just goofing around in class cause I get good grades and know my stuff, but maybe I haven’t reached that tough class that really tests my character.

Honesty

I could do better, not in business but personally, mentally. I’m at a point where I can pick up on things I struggle with in real time. Like the overwhelming feeling of butterflies in my stomach and loss of breath and motor skills due to the sight of someone. It’s corny and maybe my love for music makes life more poetic but I literally lose my breath, can’t do things properly and feel my heart rate pulsate thru the nerves in my forehead at the sight of someone special. It’s laughable, and embarrassing and I can’t speak on this too much, but it’s like get a fucking grip dude, it’s just a girl. But like that’s a nervousness thing. I should be able to harness my body control my breathing and maintain a consistent heart rate in the presence of anyone. It’s little stuff like that makes me wonder if these are the necessary things I need to work on to be a “successful business man” and wtf does that even mean? I’m over the phase of wanting to be a suit & tie guy. I don’t want an office job that looks important. I want to do my own thing, even if it means working 24/7/365 I love doing stuff to push my business forward, but I’m not even fully aware of the tools I need.

Learn as I go

That’s always been my motto, I gotta be hands on and in the mud. Even if I never get much further than a moderate level of understanding I got to get a good feel for what I’m getting into. I enjoy watching myself learn in real time. The learning curve as you gain more knowledge. Putting new tools to work in your own favor, that’s always the return on investment. But a one man army gets tricky. I’m fighting myself on a daily basis. I have things to finish, but there’s other things that can bring in money today verses my personally feeling that day. Like I NEED to design candle labels, but Uber is busy or I feel like making music. I’ll lean toward uber for the weekly earning rather than the future returns that will come from music or design. It’s a damn battle.

Monetary Gain

I’m getting old. I suppose wisdom should naturally be the return for life experience. But my whole life not a lot of things amuse me. My true self is monotone, relaxed, probably high, and having deep conversations. Once I stopped smoking weed and truly began hustling, my life changed. I’d be influenced, inspired or guided in different directions on a chase for money. I can’t say we were poor growing up, but I can say my parents weren’t in the best circumstances, but everybody did the best with the tools they had to make it work, but I feel like they could’ve don’t better with a couple lifestyle changes but I digress. I don’t know if we had struggle means or if I just had a taste for buttered noodles, crackers and jelly. Either way I wanted to be a rap super star [it’s corny but true] and my music dreams continue to persist but it’s not that serious anymore. I don’t know if fame would be the answer to what I’m looking for, but I wanted the nice cars, big rims, diamond chains and my music could never have been that, even at my best attempt [and I’ve attempted from flex raps, haha. See: RMFC “New Versace Shoes”] but money, I wanted to be able to afford stuff I wanted/needed. Maybe I numbed my mind with weed for like 20+ years, which suppressed my urge to actually fucking do it. But one day it clicked. Selling weed felt like a cool rapper thing to do, but getting high on your own supply wasn’t a cool drug dealer thing to do. Aka you lose money especially on the weeks you get depressed and smoke it all buy more and smoke it all. I don’t even want to calculate the money I’ve spend on weed, but I’m sure it’s …. Nevermind fuck it. I don’t even want to think about that number at all. But I say all that to say this.

I am where I am now

I don’t know if there was a glitch in the matrix, and female inspiration or just personal evolution, but damn it Momma, I’m doing my thing. 37 going on 40 and I’m terrified, but I know it’s going to be good and only get better. I’ve spent my whole life with the aspiration to get rich or die trying. I’ve mentioned the desire to generate generational wealth and that isn’t gathered at a job, it takes multiple income streams and money working while you sleep. All the cliche Dave Ramsey/ Warren Buffet stuff. It was always music to eBay to rideshare to candles to logo designs, to merch and there’s so much in my head I’m waiting to start, if only I had better time management and a partner. I’m at a place where I’ve earn a solid consistent income, with countless side endeavors that earn some extra money on the side. I have a solid savings at this point in my life and I could improve but I don’t buy shit. I don’t date, I don’t go out, I just work work work work work and it’s not even a cool feeling. I wonder if this is the baby feeling of the money isn’t everything. Yes, I’d love a nicer apartment, but I’m not even home enough. I don’t even splurge on stuff and when I do it either is practical daily use, collectible or for the company. I want a new couch, but I’m never home. I’d love to travel more but I’m tied to this Monday to Friday job.

Journey

I enjoy it all, I need a slow build so I can accumulate more knowledge in fields I struggle with, I know the grind, I view the obstacles like a game, another block in the road and navigating through or around it knowing one day all this effort will be worth it. I’m just fine tuning the new insights I have and inspirations that pull me in new directions. Doing my best to hear the universe and my heart talk, knowing they both guide me to a better space, but what would it look like if I had everything I ever wanted. Would I still want it? That’s the million dollar question. Is all this time spent being “busy” worth the things I didn’t show up for?

a milli

I would help my mom retire, buy a creative studio space, pay off the lady from the car accident, keep the civic for uber and buy another Honda lol just the 2026 prelude is beautiful and I don’t need anything more up than that. I would set aside money for my nephews college and dream fund to make their ideas come to life, I’d start doing more things to even earn more to expand and grow the Out Here Idea Company to a world wide brands and household name.

One day it will all make sense