por si sirve de algo

Feb 17

2.17.2026 | 9:32pm | Tuesday | por si sirve de algo

estoy muy ocupado

Going on 8 years of building this thing I’m trying to build. I can’t even lie, sometimes I feel lost at square one wondering if all this effort was worth the time I’ve spent. Surely it has been a journey, but at what cost? Am I still focusing on the outcome so much that I’m not really savoring the moments that actually make it special? I’ve become so closed off from the world while trying to connect with the world. It’s actually completely backwards. [autocorrect changed that to “it’s really okay” felt like a message from the universe] pero still. It feels backwards. I’m starting to wonder what my actual goal is.

mi gente

In the course of 37 years, while trying to be loved by everyone I meet, I’ve come to realize I’m an acquired taste and I’m not for everybody. It’s tough. Whatever childhood traumas that linger left me feeling a desire for true unconditional love. Feeling unworthy and inadequate. It’s troubling when there’s a whole other side internally that believes wholeheartedly in everything I do. One way or another eventually it’s going to happen and everything will make sense, but in the moment, chasing my dreams, there’s so many times i wonder if i was going in the wrong direction the whole time. There’s no sense in looking back at mistakes we made, but to look forward making the necessary changes to avoid that feeling again in the future is important. The people make the community special. Communication and connection is key to building a strong foundation. Evolution over time is inevitable. Dwelling on miscues is a waste of time. Solid connections.

serenidad ahora

I love the idea of love and everything about it, I also believe it’s rare. The older I become the more I debate if I’ll truly sacrifice a romantic love to build something special for the next seven generations to continue to build upon and pass down to the next seven. The world empire comes to mind, it seems cliche in a sense, relatively “greedy” or arrogant, but I think of it humbly. I want to build something so colossal for generations to be proud of forever to know they came from this humble idea that took the world by storm. Whether it’s music, art, products, goods or services. I want my nieces and nephews and maybe one day my own children to be able to visualize a dream and it’s see it through entirely. It’s hard to spend time away from loved ones, but it’s even hard to let my dreams pass me by. I’ve been doing my best to find a proper balance.

más trabajador

I don’t think it’s directly about currency, but I feel like I started so far behind square one, that now that I’m starting to catch up, I don’t want to let off the gas and that’s what scares me the most. When is enough going to be enough? How much relaxation is too much relaxation? What really even matters? Freddie Mercury says nothing? And Pharell says nothing ever really dies. Stuck in between inception and whatever comes after this fleshy existence on a journey through the stars in a small galaxy of the everlasting universe. Who’s to say, I don’t say fuck it, leave everything behind and chase peace on a daily basis off the grid in a paradise just living off the land? All this commercial bullshit and my twisted heart longs to build some more massive commercial bullshit to stand along side it and even then would I be wondering in my late 80’s… did I just waste an insane amount of time chasing a dream?